Mmm, you smell really good, baby.
You kinda smell like butt and condoms.
I smelled good a while ago.
Well, now you smell like butt and condoms.
Great. Mood over then.
No, come back. The mood is still on--CONDOMS!!

Hey, I know you're heading out to your parents' Thursday, but do you want to still meet up on Wednesday? I'd understand if you don't want to stay over, but even so.
Well, how else am I going to show how thankful I am for you?
I guess I know what I'm doing Wednesday, then.
Stuffing the turkey?
Oh my.
True story, I feel gross having said that.

Thank You Viewers

Friends, my girlfriend and I are nearing our first anniversary. There have been some bumps along the way, but I wanted to thank you all for reminding us with your support why we put up with each other: for you.

For all of you, so no one ever have to run the risk of dating either of us.

We had a small bet going, that if we hit 250 subscribers before our anniversary, I would get ten blowjobs, and I'm happy to say we hit that mark.

So thank you, readers. All two hundred and fifty of you are responsible for 4% of one of those blowjobs, and in this world, and with the holiday season in front of us, I'd like to thank all of you for getting in the spirit by idly drooling in front of your monitors.

And your generosity has kindled a giving spirit within myself as well.

With anniversaries come anniversary presents, and what did the miss with a mouth get? Diamonds? A vacation to Italy? Something much better: a computer, and a copy of Left 4 Dead 2, so buckle up everyone. We'll be documenting our Skype chats while mowin' down zombies very soon. Borderlands, too!

But none of that Modern Warfare 2 bullshit. We're not faggots.

Baby, do you love me? Devo is playing November 20th and the 21st... in New York City. I have no money right now, but I swear with all my being if you buy me a ticket and go with me, I will do shameless things to you, and then eventually pay you back.
So let me get this straight. Devo is playing yesterday, and the day before yesterday?
FUCK! NO!! LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING! ...I'm gonna go sink into an unmoored depression now. Be right back.

Can I get a Junior Frosty?
Sure you don't want fries too for dipping?
Ugh. I think I'd rather throw up. Anyway, the fries here are crap.
No they're not, you just gotta eat em fresh.
No, they're pretty bad.
Thank you!
Wow, betrayed by the neighborhood Wendy's. You know, this is just indicative of your bad taste, like when you eat cereal without milk.
Lucky Charms is good without milk. And Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Thank you!
...
Aw, ya'll so cute. I was gettin' lost in the moment.

Is 'going down on' an acceptable phrase?
Yeah it's fine.
But it sounds like something out of an 80's rock ballad. You know, it's like "and when I'm goin' DOWN on you / Baby when you're DOWN on me-e-e!"
Shut up now or I'm never "goin' down on you" ever again.
Come on, 'Goin Down On Me (You)' could be a real hit.
Yeah, that's definitely makin' it into the Greatest HITS Collection.

Stop talking, I just want to smell you.

You're Ahbed, I'm the Disco Spider.
How come you get to be the black guy and I have Aspergers?
I don't think I need to explain that.

So what are we having for dinner tonight?
Well, we could do a lot of things. Pasta? Hamburgers? Pierogies? Thai?
Are you trying to trick me into wanting pierogies? I just watched 30 Rock. You're using the Hornberger Method!
WHICH DO YOU WANT?

Sorry if I'm cranky. Can you help inspire me tonight? I need to go jogging. Can we do a puzzle?!
Wow. Your period is raging.
Listen, until I try to dress up a cat in baby clothing and wheel him around town in a buggy, you've got nothing to complain about.

I figured out what you should get me for Christmas.
Alright, what did you find?
A $5600 semi-mount Disney's Fairy Tale diamond ring! Please engrave it with 'You'll always be my princess'.
How about I engrave it with 'Made in Taiwan'.
I'm unlucky you're not rich...

You know I'd love to do something amazing for our anniversary, but money's definitely an issue.
But we can do something amazing: we can spend time together.
D'aw, you're so sweet! I like jewelry better.

Guess what I'm wearing. Here's a hint: it's very fluffy.
My scarf! You fucker! Give it!
Oh man, I don't know... Maybe later.
One day, you're gonna wind up hanging from your closet, with a noose made out of my scarves.
Well, it's not gonna be tonight, 'cause tomorrow there's free back rubs at the office.

I'm gonna be a beer frau for Halloween.
Sexy! I could dress up with you and be a Viking!
Oh yeah, Norse and German... Like two peas in a pod.
Yeah, I want to pillage your loins. Get it? You with me?
I get it, but it's not a couples costume. If you were in leiderhosen, that would be a couples costume.
Okay, I could be the Ricola guy.
He's Swiss, dear.